Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Pain and Sara

didn't sleep much last night, am in so much pain with this gout thing. Drugs aren't working any more. conjunctivitis (or however you spell it) is back too. I think I should go and see my doctor. Liam has his stitches out today by the way ... oh and the vet called Thursday to tell me the lab results show the lump wasn't cancerous. Hurrah!
Those of you who listen to the BlindKiss talk show will know of my mate Sara. Last night she flaked out on me big time. Your opinion on her wezely actions appreciated.

So, she was doing a bit of freelance work at my place of work in west London. She was in the next door building housed on the same campus. We had discussed twice about meeting up after work for a beer, being as she was so close and all.

Come 5pm I started calling her. She didn't pick up her work mobile. I then called her personal mobile which was switched off. Her home phone too just rang out. Where was Sara?

I called her work mobile again and again after 5:30. It rang but she didn't pick up.

I finally spoke with her at 8pm. I was surprised when she answered her home phone. I met her hello with the words:

"You flake" and perhaps "only the crumbliest flakiest Sara" too.

"What?" she said.

"We were due to go out for a drink?"

"Oh. Oh no. I'd forgotten." was her wezely ludicrous response.

Forgotten? We'd spoken about it twice. She was actually at my place of work. My force must have been strong in her that day, ya know, being so close and everything. I must have been in her thoughts.

"I'd forgotten" she said.

After a stunned silence I believe I may have said: "you liar!"

Excuses came rolling out at this point: "I have a cold. "I went home and fell asleep"

Out of 10, what wezel rating would you give her? I note that she decided finally to pick up the phone after 8pm, once she knew that the after-work-drinks-window must have well and truly closed.

Shall I dump her as a mate?



SonnyM said...
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The Goldfish said...

The policy I exercise is to give strangers the benefit of the doubt on one occassion only. Friends get three cracks.

If this is representative of your friend's previous behaviour, then sounds like she's either totally unreliable, is trying to avoid you or finds it impossible to let you down with the possibly legitimate excuse of having a cold.

If it is totally unrepresentative of her behaviour, then absolutely give her the benefit of the doubt. Being a big scramble-brain myself, I can think of one or two scenarios in which your appointment could have been forgotten and events conspired such that she was uncontactable throughout this time. Especially if she is unwell. Even if part of what happened was entirely her fault, if she is a good friend it won't have happened before and it shouldn't happen again.

Everybody deserves a second chance. A valued friend may be permitted more than that. Don't give up on her if there's any chance she might be telling the truth.

And get well soon. :-)

Gimpy Mumpy said...

So glad to hear that Liam has recieved the all-clear! Now time to take care of yourself with a trip to the doc. Conjunctivitis is terribly contagious so think of it as an act of kindness to those around you :)

Hope the gout pain eases soon.

O.k., on to your friend. It was really shitty what she did but I think we've all done that at least once in our lives so I would give her a free pass this time. Who knows, perhaps the guilt will get to her and she'll give you a call today with the real details.
It could have been something as simple, but also as embarrassing, as her getting her monthly curse without being prepared. This would explain all of her other comments and why she wouldn't feel comfortable telling her male friend. Just a thought! Hope it all works out.

Turtle said...

errrrm see i'm a bit like that. but i don't tell all out lies. this past fortnight i've only remembered my friend is coming over half hour before he showed up, and just today i was totally bemused as to why Roopa had taken a half hour bus ride and was ringing my doorbell. apparently id said come over any time. and hadn't read the text message saying that time was one o clock today. its scatty, its never malicious but i appreciate what you're saying because it MUST grate on you after a while.

Julia! said...

Hmmm, there might have been a personal problem she doesn't want to talk about. Perhaps the reason for the "flaky" responses over the phone was that her mind was too occupied by some problem and she couldn't concentrate. If she's never done this before, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure she'll apologize next time you talk to her.

Katie said...

Hi damon, Glad to hear that Liam has been given the all clear by the vet, At least you don't have to worry about him now, Also sorry to hear about your gout and your eyes that are bad again!

Don't dump Sara as a mate Damon, I'm sure that she didn't mean to miss your drink date, and she probably forgot to phone you about postponing the drink date because of her cold. You're good friends with her and it would be a shame to dump her as a friend, and you do enjoy meeting and each other's company! I think that you should apologise to her and arrange another time when you two feel better and things will blow over and become good again.

Get Well soon my friend! Don't dump your best mate, she would be upset if you do,

All the best, Katie

Josh said...

Well...I don't know. I like Sara, from what I've heard in the BlindKiss talkshows, a great deal, so I'd probably be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt. Don't know her personally, of course. Thanks for the well-wishes last time 'round, BTW Damon. Maybe i can buy you a drink some time when I get to the UK. Looking to make some friends over there.

marmiteboy said...

I reckon everybody should get a second chance, except for Rod Liddle that is(ha).

This has happened to me on a number of occassions and unless someone makes a habit of it I don't worry about too much. Friendship is much too important than to let a bit of flakiness get in the way of it.

Great news about Liam.

Damon said...

She's a good mate! No getting round that and I wouldn't ever dump her really. But how flipping flaky! And it's not the first time, she bails out of about 50% of our meet-ups.

What does bug me is that I know she gets tired and unwell ... but she doesn't need to flipping lie about it! Such a transparent fucking lie!

Thanks for the well wishes. You'll be pleased to hear I've not yet had time to go to the doctor and, in fact, due to work commitments and clear flakiness on my part, I even missed a hospital appointment yesterday. What a twat. I'm gonna get struck off again. Can't make it to a doctor til monday and my left eye is increasing in size and puffyness and walking is now extremely painful. Idiot boy. Yes. No time. What can I say. Licence fee payers should be happy, I guess.

Just heard jane gazzo on 6music cry out on her last ever show. Quite emotional.

Katie said...

Hi Damon my friend, Sorry to hear that you're feeling bad again, but glad that you and Sara are friends still!

Maybe sara didn't mean to lie about feeling unwell and tired, but it's good that you haven't dumped her as a friend.

Take it easy damon, and relax and am sure that Monday will be fine when you see the doctor to find out what he thinks. If you get bored I don't mind if you email me to vent your boredom at me and check out my blog if you want, you might find a surprise feature about a film, and you like films!

Anyway i'm interested in this TimeBank idea you have found out for me so would love to know about it in email form, and we could have a great conversation with each other on that!

You're a great fountain of knowledge Damon! You're a star, my poorly friend!

jfsouthpaw said...

What makes you so sure that she has lied to you? People forget things and some people forget things more often than others, and to be really honest, speaking as someone who has a really bad memory and is very flaky, and gets tired and stressed....I think she should be considering whether you are worth it! Assuming she was really apologetic once she realised she'd forgotten, and had a reason for being incommunicado, What has she done that's so wrong?

Damon said...

jfsouthpaw ... this is not me railing against people with bad memories ... this is me railing against someone I have known for 20 years, someone who I can read like a book! The tone in her voice gave it away ! What I was saying is that I'd rather she just told the truth and didn't lie! When I call her a flake I mean she's flaked out on me, deliberately. SShe's perfectly able to tell me if she's feeling rough or rotten, she chooses to lie instead! That's what I don't like. But it's not that I hate her for it ... it just frustrates and enfuriates! As I say, I've known her 20 years, I know her too well perhaps?

And, if you were at your best mate's place of work ... do you think you'd leave without even making contact with them? Unless you had decided, say, that ... actually ya know what I'm not gonna write any more about this cos I don't care enough. Sara and I have rearranged for next weeks some time ... assuming my foot ever gets better. Maybe I can flake out next time on account of pain!

Much love

Damon said...

oh and she wasn't in the least bit apologetic ;)

jfsouthpaw said...

To be that good a friend with someone over 20 years? Man, I am so jealous! It's hard for me to put myself in her place, I'm just not her, but I could do that, I think...I could forget where I was and just switch to auto pilot and go home, I do it all the time.

Like you say, there's not much point in going over it again, and I could suggest a few reasons why she might lie - one might be that she's not not ok herself about being forgetful, and she wants it to go away? I don't know her, so no more words in her mouth...but I just know it can be very worrying when everyone else's heads seem so together....Or maybe she's preoccupied, there's something on her horizon she's not sure whether to tell her friends about until it's in full view. She wants to do things differently, one difference being she doesn't get a whiff of opinion from someone whose views she values highly.

Sorry, far too much speculation there, just hope it widened the possibilities of it being something Ok to be lying about to a good friend....Hope it gets sorted out soon. And your leg, too.

Oh, if she wasn't apologetic, she should be made to squirm in public! Enjoy!