Well, my Chapter One was handed in last Friday and at yesterday's class we discussed it.
Was really pleased with the outcome. Everyone had really positive comments about it and - after sharing what the rest of the story was going to be about - it got a larf. Have to say wasn't quite expecting that reaction ;)
(Katie A2 read no further if you've not read the chapter yet cos you're not allowed to hear my thoughts)
Currently I dislike the main character. I think he's duuuullllll. One dimensional. I also dislike the job I've given him. Stuff is missing. Oddly I quite like the female character I've invented though ... in as much as there's more meat on her bones, more of a character and a personality.
But ... I told this to the class and they urged me not to change it. So, dunno what to do here. My instinct is to change the main character.
But chapter one is chapter one. It's a little condensed at the moment and I'm sure I'll take bits from it and play some of them in the rest of the novel. The condensed nature was an anxiety for a couple of the students on class, wasting some ideas that could be developed more. I keep saying "if I ever write this". I've been told by several parties now that I have to.
I've got my timeline. check.
I've got my interweaving plot idea. check.
Some of the incidents en route to the main ending are a bit not there. not check.
God, can't believe this weblog entry is in the least bit fathomable or interesting to anyone bar me. Don't humour me.
On other news ... signed up the presenters on Ouch's forthcoming podcast. It's gonna be a blast! Can't wait. Katie F, sorry it's not Mik.
Off to Amsterdam on Thursday! Wahey yip yo.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Friday, March 03, 2006
Chapter One, now in
I finished! Yay! It is now handed in, the whole group has got my work.
I have some issues with it. As Katie 2 on the last entry said, it'll be nothing like the final version. I had a time limit and by the time I had written 2,000 words I'd already substantially painted myself into a corner in terms of setting, motivation etc.
Course, not entirely sure I'll ever write this book. It was chapter one, yes, but more 'a chapter one' than 'the chapter one'.
With more time to think and research, I would probably have gone for something a little less like a fractured love story and possibly written something a little futuristic. Near future though, proper progressive today work, not very alien aliens.
Had a bit of a crap couple of days. Kind of want to lay in bed all weekend with duvet wrapped round me. Duvets protect you from everything don't ya know.
Oh ... I had about 1 minute to think up what the novel might be called ... in that time limit I called it 'She's watching him'.
I have some issues with it. As Katie 2 on the last entry said, it'll be nothing like the final version. I had a time limit and by the time I had written 2,000 words I'd already substantially painted myself into a corner in terms of setting, motivation etc.
Course, not entirely sure I'll ever write this book. It was chapter one, yes, but more 'a chapter one' than 'the chapter one'.
With more time to think and research, I would probably have gone for something a little less like a fractured love story and possibly written something a little futuristic. Near future though, proper progressive today work, not very alien aliens.
Had a bit of a crap couple of days. Kind of want to lay in bed all weekend with duvet wrapped round me. Duvets protect you from everything don't ya know.
Oh ... I had about 1 minute to think up what the novel might be called ... in that time limit I called it 'She's watching him'.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
frightened
5 days to go until the novel is in. I've thought about it loads. I Still don't have a good first line though.
I have my notes in front of me. I've been here since 11:30, give or take trips to the fridge (Diet Coke #3 on the go right now).
I haven't actualy started writing. I've written yet more notes though. And also, standing in the kitchen earlier I had a revelation that has altered the story, or changed it back to an earlier idea that I had discarded.
I can't seem to ve in. I've even written a plan for Chapter One (that's what's gotta be in by Friday) I know what I need to do to get from A to B (B being where I want to be at the end of the chapter, what I want the readers to know by that stage) but I can't write.
Weirdly writing this blog entry has helped with my flow ... so far from being a procrastinatary sidetrack that I'd first imagined, it has actually helped a bit.
Off I go back to the novel.
I have my notes in front of me. I've been here since 11:30, give or take trips to the fridge (Diet Coke #3 on the go right now).
I haven't actualy started writing. I've written yet more notes though. And also, standing in the kitchen earlier I had a revelation that has altered the story, or changed it back to an earlier idea that I had discarded.
I can't seem to ve in. I've even written a plan for Chapter One (that's what's gotta be in by Friday) I know what I need to do to get from A to B (B being where I want to be at the end of the chapter, what I want the readers to know by that stage) but I can't write.
Weirdly writing this blog entry has helped with my flow ... so far from being a procrastinatary sidetrack that I'd first imagined, it has actually helped a bit.
Off I go back to the novel.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
12 days to go
12 days to go. Think that last post was written in a bit of a hurry. It's not that I can't write, I have to write all the time and have written several creative things for publication and many for performance.
It's just this big sprawly big fat novel thing it's so daunting. My dissertation at university was around 100,000 words, it's doable. Admittedly that was a textual analysis of UK radio phone-ins and whether or not they are a democratic forum.
Screw all that for a bit though. I just had some oats. Aren't oats fantastic? Raw oats with a drop of milk and a sprinkling of fake sugar (Nothing Comes Closer To Sugar - Silver Spoon, the best sugar substitute out there). Got about 1 stone to lose To get down to my ideal weight now. Everyone says I don't need to lose it but they're wrong. Wrong idiots. Don't worry this is not a food disorder emerging.
Where was I? Slouched a lot yesterday. Am now kidding self that I need to do nothing and just relax in order to cure current bout of insomnia that is waking me up at 3am and all the antisocialness that it then brings about when I'm knackered by 11am and absolutely must sleep by 5pm for a bit.
In the novel writing class this Monday we will all be commenting on the first chapter of 4 of the students. They sent them out by email on Friday. I've not yet red them. Am gonna pour over these shortly, once I've got a cup of tea.
Goldfish I think you're probably right with the two person perspective thing but I worry that this is the best way forward for my novel. If I submit chapter one and it's only from one person's perspective and doesn't give the basic idea (you'd need to read two chapters to understand the two main characters) ... it's not what I'd be wanting to put across. I realise chapter one isn't going to be anything like my final chapter one but, ya know, it's a pride thing. I know I can write well and want to display it a bit to best effect.
Third person would be the next best ... but ... I dunno.
I'm always a last minute person. I like to mull things over so that every last idea is thought through. So that the environment that I live in, the world, has the opportunity to drop in new things that could help me with the construction of my work. I do this with my columns on Ouch, used to do it with essays at university. Never understood those students who wrote their essay within a day of receiving instructions ... they would either hand it in straight away or sit on it and find themselves rewriting it. And This was in the days before students had lots of good access to computers and it was still ok to submit handwritten work. 1994 before you start making up how old I am. 1994 was also the year when we stopped using pit ponies in Britain ... bet you didn't know that? Just heard it on LBC.
Chapter one, then.
Needs to explain the background of the main character ... who, oddly enough, is a blind fella. Background isn't the right idea, more about motivation really ... to understand him well enough to then be able to write about him and have the reader understand why he might do or think things ... and also so that the reader starts to care about the character.
Why do I write this blog? To get my writing juices flowing. ON days when I don't write the blog I'll be writing something else, just to get things flowing. I had writers block last year and that wasn't good.
Apparently if you mix a bit of honey into some dry oats and, stick it in the oven and bake it for a short while ... they come out rather nice and crispy and delicious. I need to try this.
On another topics ...
Weirdly I've developed a bit of an intolerance to caffeine these past few weeks. But, to add to this, since Thursday I've noticed I've got a real problem with sugar too! I get a nasty head rush and headache shortly after consuming anything sugary. It happened on Thursday after eating a Kit Kat. I'd rather badly had only a muffin to eat all day and when I got home I had a 2 finger Kit Kat which sent me reeling. Same happened yesterday when I had a Kit Kat. Sugar is dreadful. If they invented it now it would be banned.
It's just this big sprawly big fat novel thing it's so daunting. My dissertation at university was around 100,000 words, it's doable. Admittedly that was a textual analysis of UK radio phone-ins and whether or not they are a democratic forum.
Screw all that for a bit though. I just had some oats. Aren't oats fantastic? Raw oats with a drop of milk and a sprinkling of fake sugar (Nothing Comes Closer To Sugar - Silver Spoon, the best sugar substitute out there). Got about 1 stone to lose To get down to my ideal weight now. Everyone says I don't need to lose it but they're wrong. Wrong idiots. Don't worry this is not a food disorder emerging.
Where was I? Slouched a lot yesterday. Am now kidding self that I need to do nothing and just relax in order to cure current bout of insomnia that is waking me up at 3am and all the antisocialness that it then brings about when I'm knackered by 11am and absolutely must sleep by 5pm for a bit.
In the novel writing class this Monday we will all be commenting on the first chapter of 4 of the students. They sent them out by email on Friday. I've not yet red them. Am gonna pour over these shortly, once I've got a cup of tea.
Goldfish I think you're probably right with the two person perspective thing but I worry that this is the best way forward for my novel. If I submit chapter one and it's only from one person's perspective and doesn't give the basic idea (you'd need to read two chapters to understand the two main characters) ... it's not what I'd be wanting to put across. I realise chapter one isn't going to be anything like my final chapter one but, ya know, it's a pride thing. I know I can write well and want to display it a bit to best effect.
Third person would be the next best ... but ... I dunno.
I'm always a last minute person. I like to mull things over so that every last idea is thought through. So that the environment that I live in, the world, has the opportunity to drop in new things that could help me with the construction of my work. I do this with my columns on Ouch, used to do it with essays at university. Never understood those students who wrote their essay within a day of receiving instructions ... they would either hand it in straight away or sit on it and find themselves rewriting it. And This was in the days before students had lots of good access to computers and it was still ok to submit handwritten work. 1994 before you start making up how old I am. 1994 was also the year when we stopped using pit ponies in Britain ... bet you didn't know that? Just heard it on LBC.
Chapter one, then.
Needs to explain the background of the main character ... who, oddly enough, is a blind fella. Background isn't the right idea, more about motivation really ... to understand him well enough to then be able to write about him and have the reader understand why he might do or think things ... and also so that the reader starts to care about the character.
Why do I write this blog? To get my writing juices flowing. ON days when I don't write the blog I'll be writing something else, just to get things flowing. I had writers block last year and that wasn't good.
Apparently if you mix a bit of honey into some dry oats and, stick it in the oven and bake it for a short while ... they come out rather nice and crispy and delicious. I need to try this.
On another topics ...
Weirdly I've developed a bit of an intolerance to caffeine these past few weeks. But, to add to this, since Thursday I've noticed I've got a real problem with sugar too! I get a nasty head rush and headache shortly after consuming anything sugary. It happened on Thursday after eating a Kit Kat. I'd rather badly had only a muffin to eat all day and when I got home I had a 2 finger Kit Kat which sent me reeling. Same happened yesterday when I had a Kit Kat. Sugar is dreadful. If they invented it now it would be banned.
Friday, February 17, 2006
2 weeks to go
It's two weeks today that I need to hand in chapter one of my novel. 14 days. That includes 2 weekends, one of which is likely to be blitzed because I'm decorating and sorting out the house at the moment.
There will be a way through.
Trouble is I've not yet written a word. Not one. My previous joy (two posts ago) on how I've worked out the plot for my novel has now disintegrated, my confidence has dipped hugely in it. It sounds like a love story? Did I really want to write a love story? OK so it's a weird kind of love but I really don't want to have it turn into a piece of chick lit.
Let me say at this stage that there's nothing wrong with a good drop of chick lit, I read bits myself (Jane Green?). I read all sorts of things very deliberately. but I just hadn't envisaged myself writing something like that.
I guess there's no point angsting. Though the synopsis currently might read like a bit of a fractured romance, the actual piece shouldn't be quite so love oriented. It's about people. If I don't want it to be a romance, it won't turn into a romance, right?
I'm looking at this so entirely in the abstract at the moment. I have a synopsis, I have a plot line-through, I've planned out some elements of the plot in detail, I've worked out the peril and the actions and reactions ... so I'm being very structural right now. Next step: pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard.
Course, sitting here writing this blog entry I'm thinking: this desk is crap for writing at. I need a new desk. And also this keyboard is a bit worn, I need a new one. Can't possibly write anything until I've got a new desk and a new keyboard. Oh and possibly a new chair. FYI: I bought a new desk, new chair and new keyboard this time last year. I didn't like them pretty much as soon as I installed them; health and safety would go nuts. The desk is too high, means you hold yourself at a funny angle and - yes Gimpy - it means my elbow is almost constantly rubbing up against the edge of said desk causing that constant pressure that can bring on arthritis attacks. Gout if you like. Won't mention gout but it's now a writing issue. Fucking gout, who the hell else gets gout. It's a kidney problem, that's what causes it in case you aren't aware. Crap. Why do I have to suddenly get a kidney problem.
Anyhoo ... 2 weeks left. I need to start. Where do I start. How do I introduce the character? What's the style?
I'm thinking seriously about doing that fashionable thing of one chapter written from one perspective, and another written from another. But I really don't know. Do I do it third person? Third person restricted or third person omnipitant? I'm thinking maybe third person ... but perhaps two x first person. I am also trying to work out what other themes should be in there, what the characters like to do when they're not engaging with plot pursual as such. God I'm talking so abstract ... I don't even really think in these terms it's just I don't know how else to express it simply on this blog.
And the other question is ... why am I writing a blog entry when I could be writing the novel? Novel. Damon's novel. Feels odd saying that. Bit wanky. Why should Damon have a novel? Why does he deserve a novel attached to his name? Weird. Feels odd. Sad aspirationalism or something. Like I'll ever finish a novel and it'll be any good.
I still haven't learnt how to pace a plot / novel. Just any thoughts on that would be useful right now. Not necessarily direction, or instruction, more just hearing what people have got to say about it. Other peoples' experiences.
This keyboard is sticky and clunky and needs replacing. Anyone else get through keyboards as quickly as I do? Approx one every 9 months. I'm a touch typist, I use it a lot but don't hammer it.
Going. Way too early. My insomnia is making me wake at 3:30am this week. I'm sleeping again between 6pm and 7pm and then having a proper sleep at 10:30pm.
There will be a way through.
Trouble is I've not yet written a word. Not one. My previous joy (two posts ago) on how I've worked out the plot for my novel has now disintegrated, my confidence has dipped hugely in it. It sounds like a love story? Did I really want to write a love story? OK so it's a weird kind of love but I really don't want to have it turn into a piece of chick lit.
Let me say at this stage that there's nothing wrong with a good drop of chick lit, I read bits myself (Jane Green?). I read all sorts of things very deliberately. but I just hadn't envisaged myself writing something like that.
I guess there's no point angsting. Though the synopsis currently might read like a bit of a fractured romance, the actual piece shouldn't be quite so love oriented. It's about people. If I don't want it to be a romance, it won't turn into a romance, right?
I'm looking at this so entirely in the abstract at the moment. I have a synopsis, I have a plot line-through, I've planned out some elements of the plot in detail, I've worked out the peril and the actions and reactions ... so I'm being very structural right now. Next step: pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard.
Course, sitting here writing this blog entry I'm thinking: this desk is crap for writing at. I need a new desk. And also this keyboard is a bit worn, I need a new one. Can't possibly write anything until I've got a new desk and a new keyboard. Oh and possibly a new chair. FYI: I bought a new desk, new chair and new keyboard this time last year. I didn't like them pretty much as soon as I installed them; health and safety would go nuts. The desk is too high, means you hold yourself at a funny angle and - yes Gimpy - it means my elbow is almost constantly rubbing up against the edge of said desk causing that constant pressure that can bring on arthritis attacks. Gout if you like. Won't mention gout but it's now a writing issue. Fucking gout, who the hell else gets gout. It's a kidney problem, that's what causes it in case you aren't aware. Crap. Why do I have to suddenly get a kidney problem.
Anyhoo ... 2 weeks left. I need to start. Where do I start. How do I introduce the character? What's the style?
I'm thinking seriously about doing that fashionable thing of one chapter written from one perspective, and another written from another. But I really don't know. Do I do it third person? Third person restricted or third person omnipitant? I'm thinking maybe third person ... but perhaps two x first person. I am also trying to work out what other themes should be in there, what the characters like to do when they're not engaging with plot pursual as such. God I'm talking so abstract ... I don't even really think in these terms it's just I don't know how else to express it simply on this blog.
And the other question is ... why am I writing a blog entry when I could be writing the novel? Novel. Damon's novel. Feels odd saying that. Bit wanky. Why should Damon have a novel? Why does he deserve a novel attached to his name? Weird. Feels odd. Sad aspirationalism or something. Like I'll ever finish a novel and it'll be any good.
I still haven't learnt how to pace a plot / novel. Just any thoughts on that would be useful right now. Not necessarily direction, or instruction, more just hearing what people have got to say about it. Other peoples' experiences.
This keyboard is sticky and clunky and needs replacing. Anyone else get through keyboards as quickly as I do? Approx one every 9 months. I'm a touch typist, I use it a lot but don't hammer it.
Going. Way too early. My insomnia is making me wake at 3:30am this week. I'm sleeping again between 6pm and 7pm and then having a proper sleep at 10:30pm.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
just 2 and a half weeks to write my novel!
First, need to say (very briefly) that about 2 hours after I posted that last post I had a gout/arthritis attack ... this time in my effing elbow for the first time ... rendering writing rather painful nay impossible for some days. Got to tell you it was extremely annoying because, as you can tell, I was rather bouyed up with ideas and wanted to start writing but physically couldn't. Bastard body of mine. Gonna move on though, can you believe I've actually received complaints from readers of this blog for boring everyone about gout? Who do I write this thing for anyway? Me primarily :) Am just coming to terms with it all hence my obsession I guess, it'll bed down as I begin to know and love the pain and swelling.
Anyhoo ... back to the novel stuff.
Schlepped to university Monday night for another class. Really enjoyed it. we had to do a free write, starting line was something like: "When he/she woke in the morning, the dinosaur was still there ..." and our task is to then write beyond that sentence. I twisted it round a bit and built into it some themes from a short story I've been kicking around my head ... something about future violence and disruption by quasi terrorists. Bit tech, bit low level sci fi. Not too much though because I prefer sci fi that is quite real, slightly in the future believable understandable stuff. They call sci fi something else these days, um, something like 'progressive' or 'pre-emptive' or 'postulative'. It's neither of these but I've forgotten ... suggests that it's about guessing the future though. That's cool. Not "welcome thee to the high flung constellation of zog." type stuff. Eeek. Used to like all sorts of sci fi, now I hate it like I hate Lord of the Rings fantasy stuff ... which I used to love too. I grew up? John Wyndham kicks ass in the sci fi area. He's the father of all that is right in sci fi.
I distracted myself with sf talk, sory, back on track now.
We then looked at perspective. We were asked to think up a situation and then write a few sentence about it. "I'm sitting in front of x and I hate him/her because ..." was the starting point.
WE then had to do it in the third person. Then we had to write it from the perspective of the other person, the one being hated. Then again from the perspective of someone who was trying to read a book but was being distracted by the two people above. About 4 other perspectives too.
I don't know if it sounds rubbish but when you do it, it's actually quite interesting and enriching. What it made me do is to think of the situation - I'd set it in a pub - from a real 360 degree perspective. I think, though, it was more an exercise in where the voice comes from, who can tel the story best, how it fits together, etc.
Other stuff Doing my house up at the moment. decorating, carpeting, new furniture. It has been a bit of a dreary state for quite a long time. I need to either sell it next year or sort out a way of paying back my ex-girlfriend so that I can stay here.
Oh and ... a complete ban on smoking!!!! How flipping fantastic is that? Does that start summer 2006 or 2007? I haven't caught upp with the dates yet cos I got in late from work last night.
Anyhoo ... back to the novel stuff.
Schlepped to university Monday night for another class. Really enjoyed it. we had to do a free write, starting line was something like: "When he/she woke in the morning, the dinosaur was still there ..." and our task is to then write beyond that sentence. I twisted it round a bit and built into it some themes from a short story I've been kicking around my head ... something about future violence and disruption by quasi terrorists. Bit tech, bit low level sci fi. Not too much though because I prefer sci fi that is quite real, slightly in the future believable understandable stuff. They call sci fi something else these days, um, something like 'progressive' or 'pre-emptive' or 'postulative'. It's neither of these but I've forgotten ... suggests that it's about guessing the future though. That's cool. Not "welcome thee to the high flung constellation of zog." type stuff. Eeek. Used to like all sorts of sci fi, now I hate it like I hate Lord of the Rings fantasy stuff ... which I used to love too. I grew up? John Wyndham kicks ass in the sci fi area. He's the father of all that is right in sci fi.
I distracted myself with sf talk, sory, back on track now.
We then looked at perspective. We were asked to think up a situation and then write a few sentence about it. "I'm sitting in front of x and I hate him/her because ..." was the starting point.
WE then had to do it in the third person. Then we had to write it from the perspective of the other person, the one being hated. Then again from the perspective of someone who was trying to read a book but was being distracted by the two people above. About 4 other perspectives too.
I don't know if it sounds rubbish but when you do it, it's actually quite interesting and enriching. What it made me do is to think of the situation - I'd set it in a pub - from a real 360 degree perspective. I think, though, it was more an exercise in where the voice comes from, who can tel the story best, how it fits together, etc.
Other stuff Doing my house up at the moment. decorating, carpeting, new furniture. It has been a bit of a dreary state for quite a long time. I need to either sell it next year or sort out a way of paying back my ex-girlfriend so that I can stay here.
Oh and ... a complete ban on smoking!!!! How flipping fantastic is that? Does that start summer 2006 or 2007? I haven't caught upp with the dates yet cos I got in late from work last night.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Yay! I've worked out how to write my novel.
Yay! Ladies and gentleman. I can now proudly announced I have worked out exactly what my novel is going to be about. I've written notes, timelines, synopsis, the whole thing.
I still need to develop the characters but I've worked out all the milestone important points, have weaved together some complexities, and I am very pleased.
"So Damon, after all these years of thinking about writing a novel and talking about it too ... is it your evening course that has spurred you on to do this?"
And the simple answer is 'yes'.
Kate, you were right. You have been telling me for years to do a course ... I was a huge cynic "don't care about other writers, dont' want to go on a course, don't want to share, I'm too cool and sorted"
But here I am. I've actually thrown together some fragments of ideas I've had for years and created a real story that could well work (um, yeah, got to write it yet. Realise this book is a reality still pending).
What drove me: It's about having your mind focused. It's about having to present something on Monday. it's about being able to talk about "my novel" because others on the class are doing that already.
Also, last week the course tutor gave us an essay about plot; plotting, fitting together of different elements important in a novel. I've studied it personally. As a group we studied it too.
The essay isolated 8 important things that must be in a novel. The tutor asked us to write a sentence next to each of these. Before you realise it, you've got a novel! Amazing. Amazing how just taking that structure - that admittedly looked a bit abstract and silly to begin with - really makes total sense ... and by fitting my ideas into that structure ... well bugger me if a novel hasn't appeared. Well, the bones of one.
Sorry, a very self indulgent post on my blog today. Probably a bit abstract. Wonder if anyone knows what I'm going on about.
What drove me II: In 8 weeks time I've got to have chapter one of my novel ready. Not entirely sure what chapter one is going to contain yet though ... Ive sussed out the character basics (the background, effectively) and I've sussed out the 'impulse' (that's how the ball gets rolling with the story, the bit where the plot starts proper) but chapter one has to set things up a bit, introduce characters. Hmmm. How to do that and remain interesting too. A conundrum, a bridge to cross, a bit of a challenge. I love writing challenges though ... and anyone out there who I've sub-edited will know how my mind works in terms of narratives, getting from A to B and helping the reader along (and probably in terms of Damon shouting or sending emails to get his writers to clarify their thoughts and 'line throughs' and to bare their souls a bit more [sorry Julia]). But shorter pieces are different again. I feel a bit adrift at creating a 200,000 word narrative ... 1,000 words are much easier to deal with, you can see the beginning and the end and keep track of that middle bit quite easily ... but when the middle bit is 180,000 words then you've got an entirely different narrative paradigm / situation going on.
Indulge me this morning, won't you. Especially as I probably won't wax lyrical about this kind of stuff again. Not at length.
OK, so anyone out there who's further down the line in a novel or has written anything before ... please feel free to chip in with thoughts or advice right now.
I still need to develop the characters but I've worked out all the milestone important points, have weaved together some complexities, and I am very pleased.
"So Damon, after all these years of thinking about writing a novel and talking about it too ... is it your evening course that has spurred you on to do this?"
And the simple answer is 'yes'.
Kate, you were right. You have been telling me for years to do a course ... I was a huge cynic "don't care about other writers, dont' want to go on a course, don't want to share, I'm too cool and sorted"
But here I am. I've actually thrown together some fragments of ideas I've had for years and created a real story that could well work (um, yeah, got to write it yet. Realise this book is a reality still pending).
What drove me: It's about having your mind focused. It's about having to present something on Monday. it's about being able to talk about "my novel" because others on the class are doing that already.
Also, last week the course tutor gave us an essay about plot; plotting, fitting together of different elements important in a novel. I've studied it personally. As a group we studied it too.
The essay isolated 8 important things that must be in a novel. The tutor asked us to write a sentence next to each of these. Before you realise it, you've got a novel! Amazing. Amazing how just taking that structure - that admittedly looked a bit abstract and silly to begin with - really makes total sense ... and by fitting my ideas into that structure ... well bugger me if a novel hasn't appeared. Well, the bones of one.
Sorry, a very self indulgent post on my blog today. Probably a bit abstract. Wonder if anyone knows what I'm going on about.
What drove me II: In 8 weeks time I've got to have chapter one of my novel ready. Not entirely sure what chapter one is going to contain yet though ... Ive sussed out the character basics (the background, effectively) and I've sussed out the 'impulse' (that's how the ball gets rolling with the story, the bit where the plot starts proper) but chapter one has to set things up a bit, introduce characters. Hmmm. How to do that and remain interesting too. A conundrum, a bridge to cross, a bit of a challenge. I love writing challenges though ... and anyone out there who I've sub-edited will know how my mind works in terms of narratives, getting from A to B and helping the reader along (and probably in terms of Damon shouting or sending emails to get his writers to clarify their thoughts and 'line throughs' and to bare their souls a bit more [sorry Julia]). But shorter pieces are different again. I feel a bit adrift at creating a 200,000 word narrative ... 1,000 words are much easier to deal with, you can see the beginning and the end and keep track of that middle bit quite easily ... but when the middle bit is 180,000 words then you've got an entirely different narrative paradigm / situation going on.
Indulge me this morning, won't you. Especially as I probably won't wax lyrical about this kind of stuff again. Not at length.
OK, so anyone out there who's further down the line in a novel or has written anything before ... please feel free to chip in with thoughts or advice right now.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Pub
Could it be that I am wrecked?
Could it be that I spent the whole evening down a particular pub in Holborn> Could it be that this pub is called the Shakespeare's Head and that I hilariously call it 'Tom's Head'?
So, yeah, went down the pub with Paul from net-guide.co.uk. I think we chatted about accessibility of websites, how to make our first million, the issues surrounding getting a podcast onto the BBC, girls, relationships, families, Christmas and much more.
Polish sounding barmaid tried to crack on to Paul at one stage but she didn't come back afterwards. "I may be smiling but I'm not happy" she said in a post structural nod towards the concept of barmaidishness. Confused Paul a bit I think. Shame really, if she'd been a little less unhappy, well, I'd have shagged her. If only she knew, eh? (deep irony or bad truth? You decide)
Took the tube home. Girls on late night tube rides always seem really sexy. There's a moral here I'm sure. Dropped off at the kebab shop at the top of road. Bought kebab, came home. Starting eating kebab ... kebab smelt wrong. Smelt of offal. Ate a bit more then consigned offally bad kebab to my kitchen bin. It stank.
So, here I am, blogging into the early hours with clearly way too much alcohol in my system. Parents are ariving around 9am to help decorate my flat. Hurrah for parents! I have started my rehydration program already. Seriously, this can't go on. I don't even like alcohol any more.
Hey, alcohol abuse over and done with I have a bit of good news.
Two weeks ago my rheumatologist at the hospital read out some blood test results and suggested I had a liver problem. I was gutted. Don't want to add to my existing organ issues. He suggested I'd need to seek help elsewhere if I had a liver problem. He sent me to have more blood tests because previous liver tests said I was 93 way above the average of 45. No idea what this means.
Today I heard that the new set of blood tests delivered good results. I no longer have a liver problem and likely never had one in the first place. I'm on lots of drugs though and wouldn't have been surprised had my liver joined my kidney and heart and eyes as the next organ to fuck up.
La dee da. Happy happy. Pleased I've still got a liver. And I hope you share the beautiful irony that I went out to celebrate with alcohol.
Will tell you about Monday's writing class tomorrow or the day after. that's IF I can be arsed, IF.
Lady B: thank you for offer of souping. I'm keen on any healthy recipes anyone might have. Interesting new snacks/meals. I will share my ideas too.
Oh, did I say I'm going to Amsterdam in a few weeks?
Could it be that I spent the whole evening down a particular pub in Holborn> Could it be that this pub is called the Shakespeare's Head and that I hilariously call it 'Tom's Head'?
So, yeah, went down the pub with Paul from net-guide.co.uk. I think we chatted about accessibility of websites, how to make our first million, the issues surrounding getting a podcast onto the BBC, girls, relationships, families, Christmas and much more.
Polish sounding barmaid tried to crack on to Paul at one stage but she didn't come back afterwards. "I may be smiling but I'm not happy" she said in a post structural nod towards the concept of barmaidishness. Confused Paul a bit I think. Shame really, if she'd been a little less unhappy, well, I'd have shagged her. If only she knew, eh? (deep irony or bad truth? You decide)
Took the tube home. Girls on late night tube rides always seem really sexy. There's a moral here I'm sure. Dropped off at the kebab shop at the top of road. Bought kebab, came home. Starting eating kebab ... kebab smelt wrong. Smelt of offal. Ate a bit more then consigned offally bad kebab to my kitchen bin. It stank.
So, here I am, blogging into the early hours with clearly way too much alcohol in my system. Parents are ariving around 9am to help decorate my flat. Hurrah for parents! I have started my rehydration program already. Seriously, this can't go on. I don't even like alcohol any more.
Hey, alcohol abuse over and done with I have a bit of good news.
Two weeks ago my rheumatologist at the hospital read out some blood test results and suggested I had a liver problem. I was gutted. Don't want to add to my existing organ issues. He suggested I'd need to seek help elsewhere if I had a liver problem. He sent me to have more blood tests because previous liver tests said I was 93 way above the average of 45. No idea what this means.
Today I heard that the new set of blood tests delivered good results. I no longer have a liver problem and likely never had one in the first place. I'm on lots of drugs though and wouldn't have been surprised had my liver joined my kidney and heart and eyes as the next organ to fuck up.
La dee da. Happy happy. Pleased I've still got a liver. And I hope you share the beautiful irony that I went out to celebrate with alcohol.
Will tell you about Monday's writing class tomorrow or the day after. that's IF I can be arsed, IF.
Lady B: thank you for offer of souping. I'm keen on any healthy recipes anyone might have. Interesting new snacks/meals. I will share my ideas too.
Oh, did I say I'm going to Amsterdam in a few weeks?
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Healthy snack: baked olives
Am really into baking olives at the moment. Anyone do this? Just get a jar of pitted green olives, get a ceramic oven dish/tray, put loads on and put it on for about 20 or 30 minutes (check them while cooking) at approx 180 degrees.
They go crispy and the flavour is really salty-intense. Extremely low fat snack to go with yer Lite Beer or to just snarf in front of the TV. Weightwatchers state that 10 olives are only half a weightwatchers point. Nothing! You could eat a whole jar load per session.
Go on, I know you want to try it.
They go crispy and the flavour is really salty-intense. Extremely low fat snack to go with yer Lite Beer or to just snarf in front of the TV. Weightwatchers state that 10 olives are only half a weightwatchers point. Nothing! You could eat a whole jar load per session.
Go on, I know you want to try it.
Souping
Waiting for bread machine to finish making bread in order that I can eat my soup with it. New Covent Garden Co soup, I think it's tomato and orange or some variation on that theme. Fave Covent soup is Thai Chicken, though. De-licious.
still trying to lose that weight I put on at Christmas. OK, still trying to lose it whilst also going out to Ask for pizza and beer last night. Oddly I lost 2lbs though. Never understand weight, mass and mmetabolism ... though I do know you shouldn't weigh yourself every day as I do because it's confusing, deceiving, involves water retention, subcutaneous fat and other stuff that happens across days not hours.
Was discussing this at lunchtime with Laura, former assistant producer on Ouch, who dropped in. Sounds like she's getting extremely healthy and finds herself down the gym due to not having anything else to do where she lives now. A-mazing! What self control. If I had nothing else to do, I'd put the telly on.
Always on the lookout for new foodstuffs and tastes, she recommended something to me. She says I should try Alovira Tea. I think it's in the Clipper flavoured green teas range. I didn't even realise people ate alovira, I thought you rubbed it into your skin.
"What does it taste like," I asked.
She paused for a few seconds, thinking hard: "a bit like cucumber would taste if it were more interesting."
Just received a text through the post that we'll be reading in the second novel writing class on Monday. Lecturer is great, she has sent it to me ahead of time so I can scan it and have it there with me either in electronic or hard copy Braille. Or hell, both maybe. Classes will be weekly from now on.
Why the fuck do I write this blog? Oh yeah, it was to stop me from getting writers block again. Mind it's hardly surprising I got writer's block after 120 columns on Ouch. You need a break innit.
Wozza and Sara are coming over tomorrow night for a game of Trivial Pursuit. Ought to get some food in really.
still trying to lose that weight I put on at Christmas. OK, still trying to lose it whilst also going out to Ask for pizza and beer last night. Oddly I lost 2lbs though. Never understand weight, mass and mmetabolism ... though I do know you shouldn't weigh yourself every day as I do because it's confusing, deceiving, involves water retention, subcutaneous fat and other stuff that happens across days not hours.
Was discussing this at lunchtime with Laura, former assistant producer on Ouch, who dropped in. Sounds like she's getting extremely healthy and finds herself down the gym due to not having anything else to do where she lives now. A-mazing! What self control. If I had nothing else to do, I'd put the telly on.
Always on the lookout for new foodstuffs and tastes, she recommended something to me. She says I should try Alovira Tea. I think it's in the Clipper flavoured green teas range. I didn't even realise people ate alovira, I thought you rubbed it into your skin.
"What does it taste like," I asked.
She paused for a few seconds, thinking hard: "a bit like cucumber would taste if it were more interesting."
Just received a text through the post that we'll be reading in the second novel writing class on Monday. Lecturer is great, she has sent it to me ahead of time so I can scan it and have it there with me either in electronic or hard copy Braille. Or hell, both maybe. Classes will be weekly from now on.
Why the fuck do I write this blog? Oh yeah, it was to stop me from getting writers block again. Mind it's hardly surprising I got writer's block after 120 columns on Ouch. You need a break innit.
Wozza and Sara are coming over tomorrow night for a game of Trivial Pursuit. Ought to get some food in really.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Cloud Atlas
Clearly am only reading Cloud Atlas cos Richard and Judy said to do so. Was reading more of it last night in bed.
I'm struggling with it. Struggling to see the point.
I've got the audio version. I haven't read the cover blurb because I can't read covers - so basically I don't really know what it's about anyway. So far I glean that it is several short stories from past present and future, strung together with some linking factors: birthmarks mainly.
I tell you though, this had better have some kind of decent payoff. I didn't like the book when it flipped into the future but, after reading it for a while, I started to get quite intrigued by the language and the author's view of the futureworld. In Japanese style, he mixes words together to create new concepts. Looking at how our language has changed over the past 20 years, you can imagine that in a couple of hundred years people may easily have condensed and reformed the language in the way the author has written. And it's not heavily signposted either, you have to guess what's going on by the context.
Keen to move on to The Accidental.
I'm struggling with it. Struggling to see the point.
I've got the audio version. I haven't read the cover blurb because I can't read covers - so basically I don't really know what it's about anyway. So far I glean that it is several short stories from past present and future, strung together with some linking factors: birthmarks mainly.
I tell you though, this had better have some kind of decent payoff. I didn't like the book when it flipped into the future but, after reading it for a while, I started to get quite intrigued by the language and the author's view of the futureworld. In Japanese style, he mixes words together to create new concepts. Looking at how our language has changed over the past 20 years, you can imagine that in a couple of hundred years people may easily have condensed and reformed the language in the way the author has written. And it's not heavily signposted either, you have to guess what's going on by the context.
Keen to move on to The Accidental.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Podcasts and radio and media?
I woke early to listen to Christian O'Connell's breakfast show on his new home, Virgin Radio.
I think he needs a bit more time to bed in. I used to be a big fan of his XFM breakfast show that he finished back in October. In reality, it's probably his sidekick Chris Smith (newsreader) who is the real star of the show. But, no, it's the whole package, the whole team. And I can't wait to hear Chris Smith's Lloyd Grossman impressions again - tragic but hilarious. Oh and his Mustapha Smith character tops that, even. "sharpeny knife" ... seriously tragic. You had to be there. Christian, hmm, well it was his first day. I think when he settles in it'll be very much like his old show. It feels a weeny bit over-produced though, not by much, but part of the joy of the XFM show was that it was a low budget. This morning he offered: breakfast show hats, slippers, shirts, and a whole bunch of other merchandise. On his XFM show it went more like: "if you want to be associated with our shirts, Chris Smith has designed it and we're looking for a company to sponsor it. Give us a call if you want to help us."
Have you noticed how podcasts are seriously exploding this year? There are so many around. Christian has a podcast with some material you won't hear on air apparently. The Ricky Gervais podcast is the most downloaded podcast on both sides of the Atlantic if I'm not mistaken. 2 million downloads to date. And the BBC reports that they had 2 million downloads in the month of December, Chris Moyles is the most popular with the Today programme interview the second most popular with 400,000 downloads last month - read more here.
It's incredible really. we're seeing The Telegraph newspaper with its own daily news podcast now too. Jon Snow has a weekly podcast based on his Snowmail brand and last week brought out a documentary/debate on cannabis psychosis (see Saturday's post, 21 Jan, for a link). Have I said before that I may actually be in love with Jon Snow? Have you read his book ShoShooting History, it's fabulous.
Anyway, am keeping my eye on podcasting. Real potential here.
For the record, I'm currently reading that Cloud Atlas book everyone banged on about last year and have just taken delivery of The Accidental by Ali Smith which I am very much looking forward to.
I think he needs a bit more time to bed in. I used to be a big fan of his XFM breakfast show that he finished back in October. In reality, it's probably his sidekick Chris Smith (newsreader) who is the real star of the show. But, no, it's the whole package, the whole team. And I can't wait to hear Chris Smith's Lloyd Grossman impressions again - tragic but hilarious. Oh and his Mustapha Smith character tops that, even. "sharpeny knife" ... seriously tragic. You had to be there. Christian, hmm, well it was his first day. I think when he settles in it'll be very much like his old show. It feels a weeny bit over-produced though, not by much, but part of the joy of the XFM show was that it was a low budget. This morning he offered: breakfast show hats, slippers, shirts, and a whole bunch of other merchandise. On his XFM show it went more like: "if you want to be associated with our shirts, Chris Smith has designed it and we're looking for a company to sponsor it. Give us a call if you want to help us."
Have you noticed how podcasts are seriously exploding this year? There are so many around. Christian has a podcast with some material you won't hear on air apparently. The Ricky Gervais podcast is the most downloaded podcast on both sides of the Atlantic if I'm not mistaken. 2 million downloads to date. And the BBC reports that they had 2 million downloads in the month of December, Chris Moyles is the most popular with the Today programme interview the second most popular with 400,000 downloads last month - read more here.
It's incredible really. we're seeing The Telegraph newspaper with its own daily news podcast now too. Jon Snow has a weekly podcast based on his Snowmail brand and last week brought out a documentary/debate on cannabis psychosis (see Saturday's post, 21 Jan, for a link). Have I said before that I may actually be in love with Jon Snow? Have you read his book ShoShooting History, it's fabulous.
Anyway, am keeping my eye on podcasting. Real potential here.
For the record, I'm currently reading that Cloud Atlas book everyone banged on about last year and have just taken delivery of The Accidental by Ali Smith which I am very much looking forward to.
Power out
Massive power outage at the BBC in West London today. Everyone was sent home after a couple of hours of no light, no heating, no aircon, no computers, etc.
"Go home and listen to Radio Kent to see when the haeting is back on," they said. Oh no hang on, that's what they said at my primary school when it started snowing.
Anyway, we're all waiting with baited breath to see if the power will be back tomorrow or whether we can carry on having snowball fights at home. Wait, getting confused again, may have to work from home tomorrow (12 foot drifts they're saying).
Will we get our Chinese disability graphic done by Thursday if it keeps not snowing? Tha'ts the big question. Great new column starting from Beijing on Ouch from Thursday, basically. Look out for it if you read the site.
"Go home and listen to Radio Kent to see when the haeting is back on," they said. Oh no hang on, that's what they said at my primary school when it started snowing.
Anyway, we're all waiting with baited breath to see if the power will be back tomorrow or whether we can carry on having snowball fights at home. Wait, getting confused again, may have to work from home tomorrow (12 foot drifts they're saying).
Will we get our Chinese disability graphic done by Thursday if it keeps not snowing? Tha'ts the big question. Great new column starting from Beijing on Ouch from Thursday, basically. Look out for it if you read the site.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Tesco and more
What's the difference between Tesco Express and Tesco Metro?
I've gone decaf by the way. Did I tell you? I had a hideous migraine thing last week, really not helped by the amount of coffee I drink. So, all of a sudden, I've gone decaf. And on the whole I quite like the move. Am Gonna drink caffeine when I want but largely it'll be ... OK Damon, enough with this. Anyone fool enough to be reading this will have got it by now.
Things to look at though. I'd like to recommend Jon Snow's podcast and also this rather life affirmingly fabulous story from BBC News entitled: Snake befriends 'snack' hamster.
I'm also following the whale story with some sadness. I hear now that they've managed to get it onto a barge. If you're not familiar with this story, not sure if it has reached worldwide tho it seems like perfect 24-hour rolling news fodder to me ... a 15 foot 7 ton whale has swum miles off course and has made it into the River Thames ... that big river wot flows through London.
Londoners are astonished by it. At first it was kind of cute to hear about a whale swimming past the Houses of Parliament squirting water from its blowhole as it went ... but of course, The Thames is not the place for a whale. It' is freshwater, not salt water; it's too narrow and shallow. The whale is now very distressed and vets are worried it may be too ill.
They're taking it back to the Thames Estuary and out into the North Sea again ... but what disturbs me is that animal experts are planning on perhaps 'putting it down' (a killing euphemism) if they feel it is too unwell.
I've gone decaf by the way. Did I tell you? I had a hideous migraine thing last week, really not helped by the amount of coffee I drink. So, all of a sudden, I've gone decaf. And on the whole I quite like the move. Am Gonna drink caffeine when I want but largely it'll be ... OK Damon, enough with this. Anyone fool enough to be reading this will have got it by now.
Things to look at though. I'd like to recommend Jon Snow's podcast and also this rather life affirmingly fabulous story from BBC News entitled: Snake befriends 'snack' hamster.
I'm also following the whale story with some sadness. I hear now that they've managed to get it onto a barge. If you're not familiar with this story, not sure if it has reached worldwide tho it seems like perfect 24-hour rolling news fodder to me ... a 15 foot 7 ton whale has swum miles off course and has made it into the River Thames ... that big river wot flows through London.
Londoners are astonished by it. At first it was kind of cute to hear about a whale swimming past the Houses of Parliament squirting water from its blowhole as it went ... but of course, The Thames is not the place for a whale. It' is freshwater, not salt water; it's too narrow and shallow. The whale is now very distressed and vets are worried it may be too ill.
They're taking it back to the Thames Estuary and out into the North Sea again ... but what disturbs me is that animal experts are planning on perhaps 'putting it down' (a killing euphemism) if they feel it is too unwell.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
It's a course, of course
I'm a student again! I have a student badge thing and everything.
I've started an evening class on a Monday at one of the universities here in London. The first session was yesterday.
I keep finding myself a little embarrassed when I tell people what the course is: it's a novel writing course.
I'm very used to writing shorter pieces, structured as a short article should be structured. I want to write soemthing longer, much longer. A novel perhaps. I've said for years that "I don't need no course to help me" but after not having written this so-called novel ever, I thought I should do what my friend Kate said and actually pitch up at one of these things.
The group at last night's session seemed really diverse and interesting ... and the course tutor is great, couldn't be more helpful in terms of my access needs too.
So, now I've got to think about writing. It looks as if the homework is going to get heavier and heavier over the 10 weeks of the course (yes folks, it takes just ten weeks to learn to be a novel writer ... the course doesn't claim that and I'm being ironic obviously). It's got an academic element to it which I like. And, by the very small sample of writing I've seen from other students on the class, it looks as if it could be really interesting as everyone seems quite on the ball.
So here I am. If you remember, I started writing this blog to get me writing! To overcome a bit of a writers block I was having. 'Do your worst' was a note to myself. It meant: just write anything, off the top of your head, don't doublecheck or spellcheck it. Just flipping write.
I've broken the rules a bit in that I have gone back and edited bits ... but not much.
So, here I am, at the start of an interesting new learning curve. I've got to get the writing juices juicing. This blog is my exercise pad (amongst other things). Let me see. How do I feel tonight ...
I feel alive. Like the agar jelly in the bottom of the petri dishes in the biology lab at school. That alive. Also nervous, nervous like Stuey off the Thorn Birds (circa 1983) when the wild boar began to run at him at the scene of the bush fires ... and he couldn't aim with his gun. And I feel a little bit righteous too, a self improvement drive that Gillian off 'you are what you eat' would think good if this was food I was talking about, not words.
Clearly I have the makings of quite a special writer.
I've started an evening class on a Monday at one of the universities here in London. The first session was yesterday.
I keep finding myself a little embarrassed when I tell people what the course is: it's a novel writing course.
I'm very used to writing shorter pieces, structured as a short article should be structured. I want to write soemthing longer, much longer. A novel perhaps. I've said for years that "I don't need no course to help me" but after not having written this so-called novel ever, I thought I should do what my friend Kate said and actually pitch up at one of these things.
The group at last night's session seemed really diverse and interesting ... and the course tutor is great, couldn't be more helpful in terms of my access needs too.
So, now I've got to think about writing. It looks as if the homework is going to get heavier and heavier over the 10 weeks of the course (yes folks, it takes just ten weeks to learn to be a novel writer ... the course doesn't claim that and I'm being ironic obviously). It's got an academic element to it which I like. And, by the very small sample of writing I've seen from other students on the class, it looks as if it could be really interesting as everyone seems quite on the ball.
So here I am. If you remember, I started writing this blog to get me writing! To overcome a bit of a writers block I was having. 'Do your worst' was a note to myself. It meant: just write anything, off the top of your head, don't doublecheck or spellcheck it. Just flipping write.
I've broken the rules a bit in that I have gone back and edited bits ... but not much.
So, here I am, at the start of an interesting new learning curve. I've got to get the writing juices juicing. This blog is my exercise pad (amongst other things). Let me see. How do I feel tonight ...
I feel alive. Like the agar jelly in the bottom of the petri dishes in the biology lab at school. That alive. Also nervous, nervous like Stuey off the Thorn Birds (circa 1983) when the wild boar began to run at him at the scene of the bush fires ... and he couldn't aim with his gun. And I feel a little bit righteous too, a self improvement drive that Gillian off 'you are what you eat' would think good if this was food I was talking about, not words.
Clearly I have the makings of quite a special writer.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Michael Barrymore
Yes, he's in the Celebrity Big Brother house. Yes, he's clearly not quite so sharp as he once was. If you were expecting me to take a disability angle on this (after all, that's what I find myself doing about most things) you'll be disappointed.
The thing on my mind today is ...
Why did they change the name of Michael's show from Strike it lucky to Strike it rich.
I have my own pet theory about this, they surround the fact that it was on the low rent channel ITV and (crucially) that around that time, Michael's sexuality was in the newspapers a lot. I think the marketing bods at ITV felt that Strike it lucky (go out on the town tonight, see if you can't strike it lucky) had sexual connotations. So they decided to warp the well known phrase by adding the word Rich at the end instead of Lucky.
Here ends my pet theory ... I commend it to the world.
The thing on my mind today is ...
Why did they change the name of Michael's show from Strike it lucky to Strike it rich.
I have my own pet theory about this, they surround the fact that it was on the low rent channel ITV and (crucially) that around that time, Michael's sexuality was in the newspapers a lot. I think the marketing bods at ITV felt that Strike it lucky (go out on the town tonight, see if you can't strike it lucky) had sexual connotations. So they decided to warp the well known phrase by adding the word Rich at the end instead of Lucky.
Here ends my pet theory ... I commend it to the world.
2006 Lemon fascination
New year's here and, well, basically I've been putting lemon in my water -- watch me cut to the chase.
Apparently it's good for you. I drink quite a bit of water, sometimes fizzy, sometimes not, sometimtes with apple juice in it ... but now I put lemon in it. I think i tmight do stuff, stuff for kidneys or liver or something. That's the basic handle I've got on it. Vitamin C tho, yar?
On googling for lemon I discovered that Americans have something called Lemon Law. It initially intrigued me but clicking around further I discovered it's actually something to do with car quality.
Yes, as you can see, I've resolved to be mmore fascinating in 2006.
Started thinking about the Elder Lemon, didn't I. He featured in a TV commercial in the early 80s for Lemsip.
Pictture a whole village full of lemons with arms and legs. Quite cute looking, as far as lemons can be cute. One of the junior lemons gets ill, snuffly, parents look over him concerned. So, what happens next?
The mandarins of the lemon village (arf) get together and one of them - known as the Elder Lemon - basically sacrifices himself to save the young lemon.
WE next see the young snuffler being given a drink of hot lemon ... made from the elder lemon. Yes, a junior cannibal if you like. Mildly disturbing to my mind.
The last scene of the ad is back to the village scene with healthy junior lemon in it ... plus a big statue commemorating the sacrifice of the Elder lemon.
No one else seems to remember this commercial. Yes I do live in a bubble. If we're still saying happy new year then, yeah, have one ...
Apparently it's good for you. I drink quite a bit of water, sometimes fizzy, sometimes not, sometimtes with apple juice in it ... but now I put lemon in it. I think i tmight do stuff, stuff for kidneys or liver or something. That's the basic handle I've got on it. Vitamin C tho, yar?
On googling for lemon I discovered that Americans have something called Lemon Law. It initially intrigued me but clicking around further I discovered it's actually something to do with car quality.
Yes, as you can see, I've resolved to be mmore fascinating in 2006.
Started thinking about the Elder Lemon, didn't I. He featured in a TV commercial in the early 80s for Lemsip.
Pictture a whole village full of lemons with arms and legs. Quite cute looking, as far as lemons can be cute. One of the junior lemons gets ill, snuffly, parents look over him concerned. So, what happens next?
The mandarins of the lemon village (arf) get together and one of them - known as the Elder Lemon - basically sacrifices himself to save the young lemon.
WE next see the young snuffler being given a drink of hot lemon ... made from the elder lemon. Yes, a junior cannibal if you like. Mildly disturbing to my mind.
The last scene of the ad is back to the village scene with healthy junior lemon in it ... plus a big statue commemorating the sacrifice of the Elder lemon.
No one else seems to remember this commercial. Yes I do live in a bubble. If we're still saying happy new year then, yeah, have one ...
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Radio 5 Live etc
Well, trotted along to see Simon Mayo at around 3pm today. It was good. Quite enjoyed it. Really liked the other reviewers - Helen and Joel - dead friendly.
At the end of the interview Joel turned to me and said: "Wow, I didn't know you were the editor of Ouch. It's brilliant! A friend of mine sent me the link recently". This is always really gratifying and makes ya feel you're up to something good. we're definitely doing something new and different and it surprises me constantly that we're the only buggers doing it. Glad to get some recognition.
Before I go any further, I have to admit I am utterly slaughtered. I sank pint after pint tonight. Popped along to meet Kristina's new colleagues at the new place she works at. They're great. A nice evening down in central London.
It's 3 minutes past midnight now. I must go. I've got a package to recieve tomorrow morning from a delivery firm ... fingers X'ed it's early. Christmas depends on the delivery of this item.
Oh and have you been watching Space Cadets? I'm hooked.
At the end of the interview Joel turned to me and said: "Wow, I didn't know you were the editor of Ouch. It's brilliant! A friend of mine sent me the link recently". This is always really gratifying and makes ya feel you're up to something good. we're definitely doing something new and different and it surprises me constantly that we're the only buggers doing it. Glad to get some recognition.
Before I go any further, I have to admit I am utterly slaughtered. I sank pint after pint tonight. Popped along to meet Kristina's new colleagues at the new place she works at. They're great. A nice evening down in central London.
It's 3 minutes past midnight now. I must go. I've got a package to recieve tomorrow morning from a delivery firm ... fingers X'ed it's early. Christmas depends on the delivery of this item.
Oh and have you been watching Space Cadets? I'm hooked.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Radio and germany
I'm on Radio 5 Live tomorrow afternoon between 3 and 4 (Simon Mayo show) if you're interested. It's a book review panel, I'm still finishing off the final book tonight. It has been a bit of a slog!
Got back from Germany sunday morning. Liked it a lot there. Very quaint old squares and cobbly small streets and hidden back streets in Munich. Nice place to be.
For various reasons didn't really go to Christmas Markets ... well, went to the big modern one at Tollwood which was a bit rubbish to be honest. Modern and Kristingle markt (or whatever they're called) don't go. It even had a flippin' dance tent! It's on the site of the Oktoberfest. DO NOT GO if you're ever in Munich. It may be big but it's a bit crap on the whole.
Also, Munich on saturday night ... we just couldn't find a place to eat! We set out at 6:30pm and were turned away from more restaurants than I can remember. A pre-christmas party season thing we'd not thought of ... we should have prebooked it seems. At around 8pm we found a little local restaurant down a back street which was quite cute ... we got the last table.
Went to a beer keller ... HUGE! Massive! What a massive huge place. Bought Pretsels (braitsels?) from a side bar thing ... proper bready pretsels that I'd never had before. And a huge beer glass of dark beer ... a stein are they called?
Forgive my spellings ... I seriously can't be arsed to spellcheck my blog. Blindies don't see things written down because there is a huge lack of braille media ... hence my spelling has seriously dwindled since I lost my sight.
It was very cold but it didn't really snow ... except at the Tollwood xmas market. Effing cold, I bought a hat.
There were loads and loads of huge statues of lions dotted around the city ... all of different colours. I assume it was part of an art exhibition.
More another time probably ... Germany is cool. Damon must learn German.
Got back from Germany sunday morning. Liked it a lot there. Very quaint old squares and cobbly small streets and hidden back streets in Munich. Nice place to be.
For various reasons didn't really go to Christmas Markets ... well, went to the big modern one at Tollwood which was a bit rubbish to be honest. Modern and Kristingle markt (or whatever they're called) don't go. It even had a flippin' dance tent! It's on the site of the Oktoberfest. DO NOT GO if you're ever in Munich. It may be big but it's a bit crap on the whole.
Also, Munich on saturday night ... we just couldn't find a place to eat! We set out at 6:30pm and were turned away from more restaurants than I can remember. A pre-christmas party season thing we'd not thought of ... we should have prebooked it seems. At around 8pm we found a little local restaurant down a back street which was quite cute ... we got the last table.
Went to a beer keller ... HUGE! Massive! What a massive huge place. Bought Pretsels (braitsels?) from a side bar thing ... proper bready pretsels that I'd never had before. And a huge beer glass of dark beer ... a stein are they called?
Forgive my spellings ... I seriously can't be arsed to spellcheck my blog. Blindies don't see things written down because there is a huge lack of braille media ... hence my spelling has seriously dwindled since I lost my sight.
It was very cold but it didn't really snow ... except at the Tollwood xmas market. Effing cold, I bought a hat.
There were loads and loads of huge statues of lions dotted around the city ... all of different colours. I assume it was part of an art exhibition.
More another time probably ... Germany is cool. Damon must learn German.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
The disappearing PA
My Personal Assistant didn't show up for work on Monday. She also didn't answer my calls. Not entirely out of character ... I had expected her to get back with a story about friends needing her help, her house burning down or she had been asked by MI6 to carry out a special mission in Brent Cross shopping centre, or something.
I learnt last night through a third party that my PA resigned. All happened very oddly and outside of the rule book ... but rather characterises her up-and-down approach to life. She'll now only text but won't talk to me
I can't help but like her but I have a real problem with trusting her because of many things she's said that have turned out to be total fiction. We're talking incredibly tall tales! Not sure whether I want another PA now, haven't much enjoyed the ride. I'll probably talk more about her fictions another time ... when some water has passed under the bridge. Inviting someone else into your life and your home is scary - no doubt about that.
I do wish her the best though and I really hope she can sort out some of the problems she obviously has. I don't think she'll find a nicer more tollerant boss than me though.
I learnt last night through a third party that my PA resigned. All happened very oddly and outside of the rule book ... but rather characterises her up-and-down approach to life. She'll now only text but won't talk to me
I can't help but like her but I have a real problem with trusting her because of many things she's said that have turned out to be total fiction. We're talking incredibly tall tales! Not sure whether I want another PA now, haven't much enjoyed the ride. I'll probably talk more about her fictions another time ... when some water has passed under the bridge. Inviting someone else into your life and your home is scary - no doubt about that.
I do wish her the best though and I really hope she can sort out some of the problems she obviously has. I don't think she'll find a nicer more tollerant boss than me though.
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