Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Fucking big fridge

Ladies and gentlemen. From tomorrow I will be the proud (proud?) owner (definitely owner) of one of those huge American fridges. Thank you very much ... thank you ... thanks.

It's big, it's silvery coloured, it'll hold more food and drink than ever before ... and it'll just about fit in through my front door. Or, at least, the calculations we've done using a retractable steel measure and, well, our heads, basically, suggests we'll be OK. Just. With maybe a teensy bit of luck on our side.

For a little while, then, we will have two fridges: the fucking big one (we've discussed this already) and a not quite so fucking big one but still sizeable. Almost as tall as me (6 ft 2 ins).

We really wanted one of those that have a water cooler built in. Sadly it seems you need to plumb those in (I guess that's how the water gets in) and it's too far from the water pipes.

My idle hope is that the fridge will make me eat more healthily. The last month I've somehow gone on a bad food kick. Well, that's not to say too bad but I've been eating quite a lot of it. Just a temporary thing and I reckon that we've now got enough space in our FHF to make and freeze some lovely healthy foodstuffs.

Weirdly, Kristina has managed to go on a diet kick through the middle of my fat kick. I have suggested that she, as the main person who prepares food round these parts, is trying to fatten me up so that she looks better than me. If I get to the bottom of this and discover my suspicions are right ... well there'll be hell to pay. Seriously. I think those wife beaters may just get a bit of a bad rap just like disabled people too ... it's hard to sort it out in my head. Maybe I'll just trip her up when she comes in. There.

Other thoughts in my head today:

* That blowing-up-tube-under-the-Thames bloke came from round here. I wonder if I met him. Honestly though, terrorism is beastly ... I can't condone it.

* I don't appear to hav any Diet Coke in the house.

* I called a locksmith today for the first time in my life. I'm an adult!

* I'm going to an ironmonger tomorrow ... naw just joking

* Digital radio is rubbish and sounds like it's under water half the time.

* Channel 4's Jihad TV last night had lots of subtitled footage when people spoke in Arabic. I couldn't effing follow the programme. An important document of the times but made inaccessible to those of us who can't see so well (understatement)

* My guide dog hasn't had a shit in three days.

* we used to get farepak Hampers when I was a kid ... parents were agents in fact. I seem to remember that Noele Gordon was the face of Farepak back then ... then when she carked it Gloria Hunniford took over.

* What shall I spend my Amazon vouchers on?

* Is anyone else following Lost?

* My toe hurts.

PS: Sorry about the wifebeating gag. Really not funny if you're a wife and you've been beaten. Bad Damon. Funny how I can make gags about spastics but feel bad about this ... I left it in to see how I felt about it. Damon? Yeah? Whatever.

PPS: What happened to my blog entry about staying in a castle last weekend? It isn't here any more.

10 comments:

Miss Vertigo said...

It's all lies - big fridges don't make you eat healthier, sadly. I used to have one, with a big freezer attached to it. I'm still fat, and was all the time I owned the fridge. All that happened was that I ended up looking like it - and it's really bloody bad form to weigh more than your fridge.

Oh yeah, seeing as you've found my online hideaway/therapy/rant station (and I can now come out of my hideyhole to comment) don't read this one. Read my livejournal instead, cuz I hate blogger. starchild4298.livejournal.com, and one day I might get back to posting crap on it.

Charlesdawson said...

Please keep an eye on that dog. Three days isn't natural.

Katie said...

LOL! Love the sarcasm Damon, must be a hell of a lot going through your head at the moment judging by that post!

WE have a big american fridge at my Dads house with rather jealosy does have a water cooler (sorry Damon!) but the water isnt all its cracked up to be as it tastes rancid, so you're better off without a water cooler in the fridge but it does make nice ice cubes though and crushed ice for your drinks.


Hope you get those thoughts in your head sorted out and hope Liam recovers from his toilet trouble.

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jfsouthpaw said...

Smeg!

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BloggingMone said...

I am impressed! I would love to have a fridge producing ice cubes. Not that I need many of them, but it is such a nice gadget.
However, I think the idea that the bigger a fridge is, the healthier is the food inside, is a bit of a sophism. But I don't want to spoil the fun... And I hope it went through the door.
I also hope Liam and your toe are OK again.
Diet Coke is unhealthy. It is said to be causing osteoporosis. That artificial sweetener, Aspertam or whatever it is called, does have a negative impact on one's digestive system. Maybe Liam has secretly had a few of your diet cokes, which would
a) explain why there aren't any and
b) where his problem comes from.
Sorry for being such a wet blanket today...

BloggingMone said...

Oh, I have forgotten something: As I have no idea whether you are reading my blog or not, I thought I just let you know this way, even though it is a bit off topic. We do have audio description installed in 50 cinemas now. It happend due to a donation on the British company, which is supplying British cinemas. Yipeee!! For more infos, please read my latest post.

Julia! said...

Oh dear. Poor Liam. Poor, poor Liam. And poor Damon for undoubtedly getting a headache over him and having to sort him out!