Moody bastard

Yes I am the kind of person who can pause and rewind live TV ... for I have Sky+ ... and it's fantastic.

What do you mean you don't have Sky+ ? Unbelievable. Don't think I've watched a live tv show since I got it! No more am I a slave to the schedulers ... and I've always got something interesting to watch rather than just turning on TV and watching what's on at the time. I urge you to get it or get a Freeview personal video recorder like the 179 quid one from Fusion.

Went out to an engagement party thingy at a smart pub in Islington last night. V nice. The toilets smelt of cough syrup. Being a blindie I'm afraid I can't comment on the decor so, there you have it, I've reported back on the most remarkable sensory experience I had. The tapas snacks wer rather nice too including the biggest juiciest garlic infused olives ever! Delish. Got home, had a pizza ... dog threw up.

Liam hurled up undigested dog biscuit right by the back door. It was vile. I cleared it up and detoxed the area. Went to bed.

Woke at 10am to discover he'd been sick again ... all down the carpeted hallway. Sick in about 5 different places ... yes, lumpy sick with undigested dog biscuit again ... but this time with a slight porridgeyness about it. Washed and detoxed. Vile. Marvellously I then watched the Sunday AM programme off my Sky+ ... did I tell you I've got Sky+? Tony weasely Blair weaseled his way on and off the screen ... Andrew Marr didn't push him all that much.

So today I've been lying on the couch, not moving my foot, feeling really moody and fed up ... while watching about 7 episodes of South Park that I'd hoovered up off the tv ether onto my, um, Sky+ box. Yes.

If you were to ask me ...

... what programme I'll be watching on Thursday night, say ... well ... you might hear me say something like: "well you know, I don't watch LIVE TV any more, I'm not that kind of person." "No longer am I a slave to the TV schedulers."

And then you might hear me say something like: "Oh yes, I have Sky+, you can touch me if you like." ... something like that. Yeah, that kind of thing. That'll be me.

whisky to number 53 Cromwell Street.

Am having a few PA difficulties it seems. It's bothering me quite a bit but not going to discuss it here. Interested to hear about any PA nightmares anyone reading this may have had tho?

Took Liam to the vet this morning. Dead quick, in and out, his wound is healing fine. Stitches out next week.

Went to Channel 4 this afternoon ... a meeting about audio description. Learnt a few things I didn't know and always interesting to see how Channel 4 works. Maybe I should go and work for Channel 4. No easier said than done. ;)

Am interviewing for a position on Ouch this Friday. Clearly not gonna go into it but my whole day is taken up with interviews from likely candidates ... spreading into next Wednesday too. Looking forward to getting someone new on board ... goodness Vaughan and I need an extra pair of hands and a brain especially if annoying things like aggression on the messageboard start to take our time away from us. Grrr. We're quite distressed about this in the office at the moment partly because we have quite a lot of other things to do right now including supporting the Beyond Boundaries TV show that is due to air early October. So I urge you to pop over to the Ouch messageboard and get it warmed up a bit for us. We'd love you forever.

What a mundane blog entry. It feels like a mundane kind of day. I'm toying with the idea of going out for a few lagers and a curry. Hmm, second thoughts, how can I make the lager come to me? There should be a dial-a-lager service.

Actually now I'm on that subject I used to get cabs from a small local minicab firm a few years ago. While in the car I'd often hear the person back at base saying things like: "Number 12, number 12, can you go and pick up a bottle of whisky from the off licence and take it to mister X."

On one occasion I heard a couple such requests and asked the cabbie about it: "yeah, it happens a lot, they're disabled customers who can't get out of bed."

Sets the imagination going doesn't it?

How best to deal with annoying neighbours? (or: blogging = therapy)

[I've deleted this entire post / whinge. I suddenly got a pang of guilt and earthliness ... and didn't like the idea that I'd sent lots of bad vibes and karma out into the universe. So it's gone. If you're expecting me to sign off with 'light and love' you're mistaken, I'm not a spiritualist just someone who suffers great deals of guilt, anxiety and "why do we have to be so shit to each other" stuff.]

Dog back ... and more

Well, got Liam back around 6pm last night. He was a bit wobbly and sorry for himself ... and has a strip of fur shaved away around his neck where the lump was. The lump is now gone and two stiches are in its place.

I have to take him back again on Monday so the vet can be reassured that his wound is OK ... then the following Monday the stiches come out. He's being really good and not trying to scratch at his stitches.

And yes, before you ask, from Thursday I will be able to pause and rewind live TV.

Dog gone

I've just got home to an empty house. My PA arrived at 8:30 and we grabbed my guide dog Liam and took him down to the vet. I signed the consent form and later today he'll be having a general anaesthetic and a bit of teeth-descaling as well as the removal of a small wart-like lump that has been growing on his neck over the past few months.

Poor little fella. Felt really bad leaving him there. Still, I'm not the type to get all silly over dogs and it'll hopefully be good for him. Can't help but remember all the operations and general aneasthetics I had to bear as a child though. Ick. But this time ... it was me signing the form.

Minor stuff as I say ... though I think they'll be testing the lump at the lab afterwards. Depends what the vet thinks.

Am to call after 3pm to see if he's OK to come home.

Meantime ... while the cat's away, the mice can play ... I've laid out all my food on the floor and all my black clothes ... just because I can. Um, no I haven't.

6 days til Sky+ day ... and rather belatedly have just discovered that the latest Alex Rider book is available on unabridged audio! Yip yo! yes i know it's a kids book.

Sky+

OK, I've done it. I bit the bullet. I ordered Sky+.

You can touch me if you like.

Japan by book

I want to go to Japan. Anyone wanna come with me?

Am currently reading Mo Hayder's Tokyo. Loving it.

Sticky eyes [updated]

Eww, I've got really sticky horrible conjunctivitousy eyes. Vile. Really so nasty. I've not been to the doctor yet. It feels like I've been kicked in the face ... and odd how my stomach has come out in sympathy with it.

I've bought myself some Optrex Infected Eyes. I think they're the first ever 'over-the-counter antibiotics ever invented! They're probably rather low level though ... and they hopefully won't be tempting super humungus mutant bacteria to warp and grow and take over the planet with their hyperintelligent hyperimmune hyperbioticness.

If I squeezed enough 'Optrex Infected Eyes' down the drain, would London die? Would the sewer rats then be OK to eat?

[update] I am still sitting at my desk at work. It's raining out there, we've had a big thunderstorm over West London this afternoon. Am waiting for a cab home whcih I'm told will be delayed by an hour. My eyes are so puffy and conjunctivitisy and I feel a bit rubbish so I slid down in my chair a weeny bit to rest. My eyes are so puffy that they must lok half closed. My colleague Brendan just came back to the office and, in a concerned way, shouted over: "Damon, are you asleep?" Now paranoid that i Look half asleep most of the time here at work. News 24 7 o'clock headlines about to happen ... ore is it BBC World I've got on . Must say am enjoying seeing Nick Robinson back on BBC politics duty.

MS and a 15 quid burger

I went to the 10th anniversary birthday bash for the Jooly's Joint website for people with multiple sclerosis. Had a good night and am still slightly hungover now. Met lots of interesting people.

There were reportedly around 300 at the event in Birmingham compered by TV's Iain Lee whose mum has MS, she was there too.

I felt a little bit guilty actually. I'm blind and stick out like a sore thumb with guide dog n'all. I don't have MS. Most people in the room DID have MS. I was worried everyone might be looking at me and thinking: "oh jesus, is that what could happen to me?" Could I have been their worst possible prognosis?

Bumped into Paul who created the Netguide website. He was cool ... but also really rather drunk. I was interested to se whether or not I could make him fall over so bought him a round ... which turned into several. We left the bar at around 3:15 after having congratulated Julie (or Jooly) for her amazing aptitude for innuendo that she displayed in her emotional 'thank you for coming' speech ... which had some nob gags in it. Nice one Julie, impressive night, impressive work.

Got back to my room and realised I was going to have a monumental hangover if I didn't do something about it. So I took paracetamol, started to drink glass after glass of water ... and called Room Service to get hold of some alcoholic sponge ... i.e. food ... to quell the next day's headache illness.

It arrived in the form of a burger and chips for 14.95 pounds (approx 25 dollars for you yanks who I know will have no idea of foreign goings-on). Yes possibly the most expensive burger I'd ever bought (well it was the Hilton Metropol) but I really think it helped.

Woke at 8. Got up and had the 'hangover challenge' massive breakfast I'd planned. I managed to eat it without hurling so figured the train ride home would be OK too.

Got home at 3:15 and pretty much slept the rest of the day before going to bed to sleep more.

Katrina

This whole Katrina thing has got my mind whirring ... and, I think, yes, I definitely did go to school with a Katrina.

Foreskin restoration

I need to share something. I'm going to share with you one of my most favourite websites on the whole of the internet.

It's a diary with pictures. But it's more than a diary. It's a perfect piece of human agony of a kind I had never even imagined.

American males are routinely circumcised at birth. it seems that in recent years some have come to see this as a kind of mutilation. hence a whole new phenomenon has kicked off ... the practice of trying to regrow a foreskin by prolonged stretching of the remaining penis skin over time.

I have to admit to fair nearly wetting myself with laughter when I first read this for which I feel a big sense of shame now. I think.

So here we go ... a two year diary detailing (with pictures: soft and erect) the most beautifully innocent website EVER. This guy badly wants a foreskin. And ya know what, I really feel for him. I've not read it for a while but I came across it in my favourites this evening and, as I say, really felt I had to share.

Foreskin restoration diary

I'd love to know what you think. I've got a funny feeling this might just be a bloke thing. If you're anything like me you'll be reading it and testing it for irony ... and discovering none. As an 'intact' man I winced quite a bit reading it too.

Fizzy soda drinks ...

Lilt, we have discussed, is bloody awful and taste of cheese. it's a given.

I quite like Sprite Light ... tho why they didn't call it Sprite Lite for continuity purposes I shall never never know. Never.

Dunno why I'm talking about these things as my favourite drink - and far more healthy - goes like this:

Ingredients: Some sparkling mineral water and a carton of apple juice (not from concentrate)

Method:

• Get a pint glass

• Half fill with apple juice
• top up with sparkling mineral water

... that's it.

In germany they call it an Apfel Shorla ... well that's what it sounds like, spellings could be a bit awry here. Basically it means 'Apple Spritza'.

It's delicious, it's the best way to drink apple juice, it's got vitamins in it too.

.......

On a recent trip to my local corner shop I saw a new looking kind of drink in there. It was called 'coconut water'. I imagined fresh sparkling water with a hint of coconut ... just like when they give you coconut on the beach in Italy.

What it actually tasted like was some weirdly milky sweet drink with a vague synthetic coconut flavour to it. NEVER drink it. I think it was from the sub continent.

Eugene to win Big Brother

I have voted for Eugene to win 3 times now. What a lovely bloke! So sweet and thoughtful.

In a funny kind of way he's got me thinking about myself and whether or not I am boring and/or a geek.

If you watch Big Brother you'll be aware that they regularly cut back to Eugene in the middle of - what is deliberately edited to look like - a geeky speech. They make it look as if he is boring and goes on about things a bit too much: radio transmitters, politics, language, minutiae. The housemates are never seen to be interacting and sit back and just let him go on. As I say, it is implied by the editing that he is dull and geeky ... tho his sweetness still shines through.

As I say, it's got me thinking about myself. I often suddenly launch into analytical speech like Eugene does. I do because I am interested in things. When people start a conversation I join in and take it to the next level which, inevitably, involves a little more analysis and intelligent thought.

Eugene is intelligent. Clearly. Are we at a stage now where we surpress intelligence? And thought? And analysis? And anything deeper than a puddle?

I sometimes find myself apologising for having a passion about certain subjects, for bringing to a conversation something a little more, a little deeper.

Is intelligence and thinking now out of fashion? I'm aware that in black male youth culture, intelligence is NOT COOL. This is what I hear. Hence younger black males, including all the societal factors, aren't helping themselves very much.

So, when speaking, should I "refuse to diminish my character"? (a Craig from BB quote) Or should I tailor my thoughts down a bit.

Do you like how I've framed an argument surrounding society and intelligence purely in terms of Big Brother - often thought to be one of the least intelligent shows on TV?

But is it? I'm not sure. I'm losing focus.

Does anyone anywhere know what I'm going on about today?

Diet Lilt tastes like cheese

... to be honest I don't really have much to add to the title here. It just does.

Another Thursday

Police presence in London is high today with over 6,000 officers patrolling the underground I think I heard the newsreader say earlier, many of them armed. But as someone said the other day, if the tube is out-of-bounds for terrorists, then they'll find other targets. That said, I'm not expecting an attack today or even soon (aside: have you seen that fantastic al-Qaeda programme on BBC2 monday nights with Peter Taylor?)

Fave coffee from Starbucks at the moment is the Peppermint Mocca. I urge you all to try it. Starbucks may be a multinational but at least it doesn't mass farm animals.

Craig love

OH my god. Did you see Big Brother last night? Un-be-flipping-lieveable.

The bloke is one of the most emotionally imature 19 year olds I've ever ever seen. He's astonishing. Even when I was at the height of my hormonal ill-informed teens (14?) I could never have stooped so low as to kiss and fondle someone I fancied when they were spark out pissed. "I'm going to look after you Anthony, your best friend in the whole of the house is going to look after you".

He's tragically smitten, he's desperate, he's imature, he has no shame ... but my god he's got a lot of feelings! I hav never come across anyone like Craig, not as full-on as this. And the tragic thing is that I'm sure he's not putting it on for the cameras. He's one confused bunny.

Ya see, this is where I still attempt to argue that Big Brother is anthropology and has scientific significance.

How will he be treated when he leaves? I don't think people will boo, surely? But I don't think they'll cheer. He's disturbing. And I am absolutely gripped which makes me feel a bit bad but it's total car crash unmissable tv.

If you've not seen Craig, go to the Big Brother website (UK). There may be a free video clip or two to watch, too.

SO much going on in London today ... police activity right near here. Now all 4 of the failed 21/7 (like that?) bombers are reportedly possibly maybe behind bars - if proven guilty. Yet I choose to major on Craig?

I'm actually mor gripped and anxious and intellectually stimulated by the bombings news which I've had on TV on my desk this afternoon (I'm at my desk now waiting for a cab). Being a news junnkie and all that.

I heard a fantastic commenttator on Radio Five Live the other day about how the environment, the climate and terrorism are linked. I just hadn't made the link before and feel stupid that I hadn't.

Ooh cab has arrived and I'm off ...

Impression of Craig

OK, in response to the huge demand I've had (yes, one person, I'm easily pleased) if you follow this link you'll be able to download an mp3 of me doing an impression of Big Brother's Craig.

I cannot wait until 10 o'clock to see tonight's edition ...

BB's Craig and Damon on LBC ...

This is a good positive non bombings related post. In fact it is deliberately trivial.

I just want to voice that I am utterly gripped and fascinated by Craig on Big Brother at the moment. My God. I've just watched him this evening.His relationship with Anthony - or lack of - is so hideously watchable. Carcrash TV and no mistaking.

I do rather a good impression of Craig now actually, having honed it for 8 weeks. If enough people ask, I can in fact post an audio file of me being Craig ... so the ball is in your court.

Classic Craig phrases include:

"Don't cross me, you don't know what I'm capable of ..."

and

"Anthony, can I control you tonight? I am going to control you, you have to do everything I say. You know why don't you Anthony?"

... and other generalised weirdness.

Fascinating because Craig is such an unusual character (that was me being nice) but I do feel quite awkward sometimes because we are watching this young bloke exploring his own sexuality so very publically ... he should talk to the BB psychologist I think.

And the other thing is ...

I called up LBC last Friday night. I can't remember the last time I called up a phone-in show. I was on air around 11:10pm on Iain Lee's show.

He was talking about tv nostalgia and wanted to know if anyone remembered the Munch Bunch cartoon and theme tune. Ahem. I called in and sang it to London, it seems. Why was I moved to do this? Possibly because I was up late waiting to leave the house to pick up my copy of Harry Potter at midnight.

I paint an attractive and impressive figure of myself here don't I?

Bombings 2.0

Jesus these guys are going to get a hammering when they're caught.

Yes, two weeks on, if you haven't yet heard (which I doubt) ... and London has been bombed again. I use the term 'bombed' loosely at the moment because it's all rather unclear exactly what did happen. Lots of speculation that another big attack was planned - 3 tube trains, 1 bus again - Sir Ian Blair (head of the Metropolitan Police) says it was clear they wanted to kill but it looks as if small explosions like detonators occurred, not full big explosive bombs.

I was literally shaking when I switched on the TV news around 1:20 when I heard. Smoke was reportedly coming out of tube stations, 3 tube incidents had occurred ... then suddenly a bus explosion. Way too familiar.

Information is slow today ... 4 events but how many explosions? One report says that the incident on the Hammersmith and City line at Shepherd's Bush didn't meet with an explosion.There are talks of unexploded bombs. Talks of confused terrorist who, after realising he wasn't dead, ran for it. Weird reports, probably random conjecture or chinese whispers right now.

Then there were the two other incidents ... one at University College Hospital and the other that panned out live on TV in Whitehall at the bottom of Downing Street. An Asian man with a backpack on was subdued by police live on air before the TV cams were asked to switch off. All very conveniently timed ... but Sir Ian later said these two events were not connected.

Thankfully my taxi has arrived and I can now go home ... maybe write later.

Basically though ... my shaking and fear is gone and I am not just pretty angry about it all. Confused but now really pretty damn angry. They'll throw the book at them ... and possibly find out some extremely useful intelligence in so doing. But what do I know, I'm just another Londoner.